


Nihilism

by moontaeil_i_chil



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: I know this doesn't fit my username just roll with it, Kageyama hates everything, M/M, Nihilism, Oikawa wants to change that, roommate au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2018-10-16 09:55:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 8,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10568895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moontaeil_i_chil/pseuds/moontaeil_i_chil
Summary: Kageyama is a nihilist ; someone who believes that all life is pointless and refuses to connect with anything.Oikawa is an optimist ; he always sees the good side of things and sees waking up in the morning as potential for a new day of new things.They shouldn't mix well, but Oikawa is certain he can change Kageyama's trainwreck of a life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please pardon my writing style. I'm quite sarcastic all the time and so Kags is too. If you don't like satire, this may not be the best for you.

-kageyama-

The morning irks me.

I don't know what word is better for it. It just makes me unhappy in a way that almost feels like bile in my throat, but it's not quite there yet.

I just don't like mornings. They're the beginning to a new day and a new day isn't something I generally tend to look forward to.

I'm not depressed or anything, at least not as far as I know, but new days only seem to bring emptiness.

The only time I'm truly happy is when I'm asleep, and dreaming. Because a dream is not the earth. It is a figment of my imagination made to make me feel, which, contrary to the rest of the human population, I don't do very often.

Unless it's annoyance. That is something I feel all the time. 

"Knock knock sleepyhead!" 

The voice sounds from outside my door, and I immediately know it's Oikawa.

I groan immediately, glaring at the door.

"What do you want?"

Oikawa opens the door and smiles at me, and I suppress an annoyed middle finger. I never understood his mood, and it pisses me off. 

He continues smiling as he speaks.

"I made some pancakes! And I dyed your stack black because it matches you so well, Tobio-chan." He sent a slight smirk my way, obviously having fun with his daily activity of antagonizing me.

This time, I didn't hold back from flipping him off. 

What a backhanded prick.

See, Oikawa is not the type of roommate I would have wanted. In fact, the type of roommate I want is none at all. But, my cheap ass thinks that's too expensive, so I'm stuck sharing an apartment with... Him.

"I'll be down for breakfast in a minute. At least let me get up first before you start attacking me." I say groggily. I was up all night last night staring at the ceiling, which can be very entertaining if you try hard enough. So entertaining in fact that I didn't actually close my eyes until 3 AM, meaning I am too tired to be dealing with Oikawa's shit right now. 

Oikawa simply smiles and sends a peace sign my way before leaving my room, and I groan, rubbing my hands against my face, wishing I could just fall back into my dream.


	2. The Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black pancakes, early morning competition, and Oikawa's thoughts on Kageyama.

-oikawa-

Tobio walks into the kitchen, his eternal frown plastered across his face. He shuffles by me to grab his pancakes which I, as promised, have dyed black. 

He makes a 'tsk' sound as he eyes his breakfast, looking up at me. 

"You really are an imbecile. You actually dyed them black?" 

He looks annoyed, and I chuckle slightly, relishing in his annoyance. 

"Don't complain too much, or tomorrow you'll have black eggs on your plate." I say this with a smile, and he grimaces as he rips his plate off the counter and goes to sit on the sofa. 

I grab my breakfast and sit by him, and in response he gets up and moves to the chair next to the couch.

I frown. 

"Oh come on, Tobio-chan! You've been living with me for 3 months now. Surely you can sit next to me!" I whine slightly, and he rolls his eyes. 

"I agreed to living with you. I never agreed to enjoying your presence." He declares.

I let out a fake gasp, and I dramatically clutch at my heart, throwing my head back in faux distress. 

"Oh dear, how shall I ever live on without the approval of Tobio?" 

He kicks at my legs, which he can only just reach from his seperate chair. I grin at his attempt, starting to attack his legs as well. 

If there's anything I've learned about Tobio in the time he's been living with me, it's that he's competitive. Almost as competitive as I am. So, he has a tendency to put little challenges upon me when I annoy him. Sometimes he'll push me and wait for me to push back, or he'll grab my phone and run around the apartment as I try to catch him, or, like is happening right now, he'll kick at my legs. 

This particular competition is the one he always wins. Whether that's because he's actually good at it or if I just let him win, I'm actually not sure. 

I mean, yes. He is a pain in the ass sometimes and he feels like the human embodiment of Myspace circa 2005, but he's also younger than me and I have this little voice inside me telling me I need to help him. And another little voice inside me telling me to be the bane of his existence.

I just find it interesting, I suppose. He's different than anyone I've ever met. Of course there are negatives about that, since the main difference is that he hates everything. On top of that, I also have little to no clue as to how to deal with someone that hates everything. 

Though, at the same time I can't say a little part of me doesn't love it. I have a weird thing for figuring people out. Getting to map out their personalities, what they like and don't like, how to make them smile or frown. Something about that is satisfying to me. 

"Aha!" Kageyama says with pride, having won the kicking game. 

To be fair, I was zoned out quite a bit as we were competing, but I smile anyway and give him a pat on the back. 

As my hand comes into contact with his back his face turns to a grimace and he pushes my hand away. 

"Great, now I've got Oikawa germs on me." His tone is laced with sarcasm, and I stick my tongue out at him. 

"Oh please, you know you love it." I say with an over-dramatized and clearly fake wink. 

He rolls his eyes, putting up his middle fingers on both hands, declaring, "You wish."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you've probably noticed, when told from Kags' perspective, it's dark, but from Oiks' perspective, it's more humorous. That's gonna be a recurring theme.


	3. I'm Heading Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's having an existential crisis and ends up going for a walk.

-Kageyama-

After mine and Oikawa's kicking competition, I got up and began washing the plate that once held my 'comedically' dyed pancake. 

I shook my head slightly at the thought. 

Oikawa, though I tend to have the occasional laugh with him, isn't someone I really enjoy being around. He may think so, but I don't think he knows me well enough to judge that. 

As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone does. 

As is common knowledge at this point, I am not, by any means, a social person. The best time for me is my time spent alone, though even I acknowledge that with enough time spent alone, one is bound to go insane. 

In a way, everything I do is primal. It is based purely off of my need to survive and nothing else. 

I think of it like a Sims game. That may seem like an imbecile thought process, but hear me out. Every sim you control has its needs in order to keep it healthy and alive. 

Hunger, sleep, bladder, hygiene, and the most odd two, social and fun. 

I know it's peculiar to try to take apart pieces of human psychology from a game made simply to tide off boredom, but honestly, at this point in my life I am no longer affected by what is considered peculiar and what is considered normal.

...

Anyway. 

Social and fun. As much as I and every other antisocial or socially anxious person hates to admit it, they are crucial to a healthy life style. 

If you never talk to anybody, you won't have communication skills. If you don't have communication skills, you won't succeed in job interviews. You don't have a stable job, you end up in a worse place mentally then you were when you started. 

If you don't have fun, you only have stress. I am not an avid user of common sayings, but 'all work, no play.' is not a life most people want. Constant stress = constant hatred towards yourself and others. 

I sigh internally, acknowledging the irony that the one person who manages to annoy me on a daily basis is also, by those means, the one keeping me alive. It's funny how things work like that.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. 

It's at this point that I acknowledge the clock next to the sink, and I notice that I've been standing here for five minutes, lost inside my own brain. 

I really have to stop doing this in the middle of the kitchen. 

I shake my head, going to the door and beginning to step outside the apartment, before shouting back to Oikawa, "I'm heading out, need to clear my head." 

I hear a slow patter of his feet as his head pops out of the kitchen, giving me a small smile. 

"Have a nice walk!" He says.

I can't help but roll my eyes at his words. 

Cheerful bastard.

\--

The walk I take is majorly uneventful. 

The view is always the same, except that today a little girl dropped her doll in the road and it got ran over by a truck.

That was fun to watch, I guess. 

Aside from that, the sky was gray with clouds, the sidewalk had the occasional wrapper or stray piece of plastic on it, and the neon signs above the storefronts were flickering like they always do. 

Some men off to the side mumbled as they dully clinked their beers outside a deli, and across the street a woman was on the phone, clearly distressed about what was happening on the other end of the line. 

The few trees that actually grew in this part of the city were leafless, as winter was starting to approach. Children tried to climb them anyway, but a few of them fell, clearly not understanding how to grip onto a tree properly. 

A stray cat ran through my legs, biting into an already dead rat and continuing its jog, running by people as if they didn't even exist. 

I sigh, gazing up at my apartment building that I had managed to loop back around to. 

So this is it. This is the world Oikawa calls beautiful. 

I just don't get it.


	4. Beauty and the Nihilist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobio's walk got him in a bad mood. Oikawa plans to change that.

-oikawa-

Tobio walks back inside, a frown still on his face as he glances over to me, not even bothering to say a word as he continues on, going to his room. 

Of course, I'm used to the cold shoulder he gives me, but today he seemed... Even more 'off' than usual. Don't get me wrong, his mood changes a lot, from angry to indifferent, from sad to determined. The boy's emotions never give him a break. 

Still, the glance he shot over at me before he continued on, it made me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in a way that usually doesn't happen with Tobio. 

I decide to investigate.

I walk towards his door, softly knocking.

"Tobio?" I call out, though my voice is still gentle. 

I hear shuffling and some creaks from the old floorboards of his room, and in a moment the door is open. Tobio glances up at me, noticeably tired and annoyed. 

"Is something wrong, Tobio?" I ask, staring deep into his deep blue eyes. 

He frowns, shrugging his shoulders.

"Just not a good day. The walk was shitty, the world is lackluster, and I'm losing interest in the way my life is." 

I will admit I am slightly surprised at how quickly I got a response, but I push that thought aside, focusing on the task at hand. I'm all he's got, so I need to help him when he's down. 

Even if he doesn't like being around me.

"Do you maybe want to watch a movie? We've got quite the collection but we've never actually watched one together. I feel like we should. A good movie always gets me out of a slump." 

I see his face move as he thinks, no doubt weighing the pros and cons of watching the movie with me. 

After around a minute, he glances at me, the finality in his expression letting me know that he's made a decision.

"I'm going to, but only because I haven't seen a movie in a while. Just please promise me you won't spoil the entire plot within the first five minutes, because you seem like the type of person to do that." 

I shake my head, chuckling slightly and promising that I'm not like that. I appreciate a good movie just as much as anyone else, and I don't want to worsen Tobio's mood.

-

After about a minute, the two of us settle in our usual set up, which consisted of us sitting in the same area but not next to each other. 

Which I understood. Tobio is not the type for physical contact. The most he's ever given me was a handshake when he first moved in. But, again, I don't mind. 

I chose the movie, seeing as I wanted one that would cheer him up. If I let him choose one, who knows what type of movie we would have ended up with? 

Anyway, I chose Beauty and the Beast, because it's a classic and honestly one of my favorite Disney movies. But what can I say? I'm a sucker for dancing French candelabras and a love story that looks beyond appearances. 

Tobio seemed to be enjoying the movie, occasionally cracking a smile or leaning forward in his chair when a new plot point developed. It was kind of cute, if I'm entirely honest. It isn't often that he expresses anything that isn't utter negativity and distaste. 

Neither of us spoke a word the entire film, and as the credits roll, Tobio turns to me, a small smile showing on his face. 

"I... I actually liked it." He says, glancing back at the screen now showing the list of people who made it possible.

"That's great, Tobio. Are you feeling a little bit better?" I ask. I'm happy, but still careful with my words.

Tobio replies with a nod of his head, standing up. 

"I'm going to go to bed, but," he looks around, almost as if he doesn't want to say the next words, "thank you, Oikawa." 

My breath hitches slightly, not expecting a thank you. My eyes are wide and so is my smile, and I reply. 

"Anything for you, Tobio!" 

Kageyama is visibly flustered, slight redness flowing onto his cheeks before he scurries away to his room. 

I chuckle, turning off the TV, and throwing myself down on the sofa, whispering to myself.

"You did well, Tooru. You did well."


	5. The Quiet Grow Silent

-Kageyama-

It's been one week since Oikawa and I Watched Beauty and the Beast.

Coincidentally, it has also been one week since I've spoken to Oikawa.

There's no particular reason, it's more like a handful of reasons that have just morphed into one glob of confusion. For one thing, I enjoyed that movie, and didn't want to soil the one good memory I've had in awhile with Oikawa's irrelevant nagging. I also generally didn't feel like addressing him, because of the awkward situation that ended that night.

Well, awkward for me at the very least.

My blush.

The words "Anything for you, Tobio!" Echoed through my mind a mile a minute, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't worry me.

Perhaps it's just because I'm not used to other people being even relatively affectionate towards me. In fact, that must be it. Oikawa said something that caught me off guard and my body's first reaction was a blush. It makes sense.

I sigh, shaking my head.

What's unfortunate about the situation, is that I think Oikawa misunderstood the pink on my cheeks.

The next day, he tried talking to me at breakfast, and even dared to put a hand on my shoulder. Which, might I add, I hated with every ounce of my being.

In retrospect, I could have had a better reaction to the situation, telling him that I'm uncomfortable with human contact unless it's coming from my parents. Instead, I walked away briskly, not speaking a word. Now, this past week has been filled with him pestering me and me continuing to ignore him.

In the past few days, I began to notice that our lack of conversation has somewhat taken a toll on him, as he was generally more closed off and wouldn't tell me where he was going before he left the house.

It was unusual, since I've never seen him like this, but I don't feel like we're close enough for me to go up to him and tell him to cheer up. Plus, I'd also probably be shit at cheering him up because the last time I tried to cheer someone up, they ended up crying harder. I've been socially inept since the day I was born and speaking with Oikawa is no exception.

I'm currently sat on the couch, staring at the news report on the television. Some reporters are sat around a table babbling about politics, interrupting one another with false statements just to help their own cause. It's stupid and selfish, so I change the channel.

Scrolling through my channel guide, I pass some shows I recognize.

"Ghost Hunters? No... It's simultaneously stupid and creepy. House Hunters? No, I don't want to be jealous of people getting homes in the Bahamas. Cake Boss? No, don't need to be reminded how bad I am at baking." I continue to scroll, considering my options aloud.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps, and turn to see Oikawa stood there, rubbing his eyes as he's just woken from a nap. He yawns, then smiles over at me.

"This is the first time I've heard your voice in a week, Tobio." He says simply, taking a seat on the chair next to the sofa.

I immediately tense up, not wanting to reply. I look around, trying to find any way I could run away from this situation, even though I know I should stay here and deal with it.

Oikawa looks over at me.

"Someone's coming over today, Tobio." He says, and I simply nod.

He continues speaking.

"His name is Iwaizumi Hajime, and he's a friend I've had for a long time."

I nod again.

He goes on and on, telling me how him and Iwaizumi will probably watch a movie and that I'm welcome to join them, or that we all can eat together when they order food.

I give him the same response over and over, a slight nod of my head, but no words.

Once he's done speaking, he looks at me.

"Can I please hear your voice? The fact that you aren't speaking is making me nervous, Tobio."

I glance up at him, shrugging my shoulders. I walk away, ignoring him as he calls out my name over and over again.

\--

Three hours have passed. Two hours ago, I heard the aforementioned Iwaizumi enter the apartment, but never left my room. I just don't see the point in socializing with someone I'll likely never have to speak to again. 

I had intended to stay in my room the whole night, but my bladder decided that betrayal was on the agenda, and I had to pause staring at my ceiling to go to the bathroom. It was annoying, really. My ceiling was just starting to seem interesting.

I leave my room, jogging towards the bathroom so I can go and then get back to my room.

Unfortunately, it won't be as simple as that.

As I pass the living room, I hear them. The sound of their lips, and Oikawa mumbling Iwaizumi's name. I turn my head, and see the two of them there, Oikawa sat in the lap of the other boy, both of them with their eyes shut as their lips mindlessly connect with the other's. Iwaizumi has his hands on Oikawa's back, Oikawa's hands roaming the other boy's body. 

They don't notice me. Of course they don't notice me. 

They're too... preoccupied. 

I know it shouldn't anger me. It really shouldn't. But I can't deny the fact that there is something off-putting about seeing my one and only acquaintance locking lips with someone I've never met before. 

I make a slight 'tsk' sound, averting my attention from the two of them, deciding to go to the bathroom and then head back upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you like your cute roommate but end up making out with your childhood best friend: A novel by Oikawa Tooru


	6. Nihilist In Shining Armor

-Oikawa-

After a late night with Iwaizumi doing things that were far from innocent, I awake in the morning, sprawled out across my sofa.

My eyes wander around, until they land on Kageyama, sat asleep in the chair next to the sofa.

"What?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes and making sure I'm seeing this correctly. Why isn't Kageyama asleep in his bed? That's where I remember him being at the end of the night last night...

I hum, getting up and walking until I stand in front of him, and I look at him intently. Not to be creepy, or anything. I've just never seen him this peaceful before.

His head is back against the chair, his mouth open, and his eyes closed in the most peaceful manner.

As I look down, he's in a plain blue T-shirt and some boxers, cute red ones with blue flower silhouettes.

Though, as I gaze further, I realize even more. I also recognize that sometimes, things are best left unnoticed. 

On his left arm, a bruise is present, right next to a wound that clearly came from someone's fingernails. I acknowledge that they can't be of his own doing, as his nails are far too short to do any damage like that.

I squat down, taking his arm in my hand and inspecting the wounded area. 

I try my best not to wake him, but soon I see his eyes cracking open. He still clearly lacks energy, but he does manage to get some words out.

"Oikawa? What's going on?" He asks, but he makes no effort to move his arm away. 

I gaze down at his arm, then back up at his clearly exhausted face, and I decide I should ask him about his injury, rather than coming up with laughably inaccurate ideas of what could have happened.

"What exactly... happened to your arm?" I ask, and Tobio gazes down at his wound.

"Oh, that," He mutters, still seeming disinterested, "Iwaizumi did that."

The words leave his mouth nonchalantly, but I need to do a double take and make sure I've heard him correctly.

"Iwaizumi? As in, the one who was 'round here last night?" I ask, needing reassurance, and hoping I've heard him incorrectly.

He gives a short nod, before fixing his posture in his seat and removing his arm from my hand.

"It was, what-" he says, before quickly checking the clock on the wall, "4 hours ago or something? I don't know, it was around 4 AM, and I came downstairs because I couldn't sleep. As I was going to the kitchen to grab some water, I noticed you and Iwaizumi. By this point, I guess you must have passed out or something, but Iwaizumi was still awake." He takes a breath, probably trying to correctly recall everything while still in his state of exhaustion. "Anyway, as I looked more closely, I noticed Iwaizumi... doing things. Things you probably shouldn't do to someone who's asleep. His hands were... under your shirt, rubbing your sides in a way that seemed far too mischievous. He was leaning over you, and he seemed prepared to do something bad. But... I, uh... got to him before he could."

By this point, my mouth is open into an"o" shape, not wanting to believe the words coming out of Tobio's mouth.

"H-how did you get him to stop?" I ask, my voice now coming out unevenly, my bottom lip quivering.

Tobio sighs.

"If there's anything I've learned in life, it's that a swift kick to the nuts will get any guy to stop doing what they're doing." 

I glance up at him, and I nod, before excusing myself to the restroom.

I turn on the faucet, beginning to splash cold water in my face to rid my mind of stray thoughts. 

This may be, perhaps, one of the most confusing things to ever happen to me.

For one, I would have never assumed that Iwa-chan would have bad intentions, or even dare to go as far as Tobio said he did.

Along with that, I never imagined that Tobio would actually defend me like that. If anything, I'd expect him to say something like, 'please, not on my couch' or 'let me leave the room first'. 

It makes me oddly hopeful, though I know it shouldn't. Tobio is just my roommate.

My kind of dumb, kind of rude, way too cute nihilistic roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a P.S. -> kageyama's reasons for doing this don't have to be romantic, he could just do it for his own moral sake.
> 
> Then again... they could also be romantic.
> 
> Depends how you look at it.


	7. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> people like Tobio usually don't care about anything. so why is this an exception?

[Kageyama] 

Once Oikawa had left the room, I took into account what I did last night. How I fought off Iwaizumi, even though I knew that if we were to get into an actual fight, I'd definitely lose. 

And that Oikawa would probably side with Iwaizumi instead of me. 

That thought sends a shiver down my spine. 

Just because Iwaizumi has been in Oikawa's life for longer, he would have taken his side. It's disgusting. 

Maybe that's why I have trust issues. Maybe that's why I'm not good at making friends and keeping them. Because you can think you know someone so well, think that they're a great person and that they would never do anything to harm you, and then end up in a situation like Oikawa did last night. 

There's still a part of me that doesn't know why my instinct was to harm Iwaizumi. I didn't try to say anything to him before I attacked him. 

Usually, if someone was doing something wrong, I would ask them to leave, or at least glare at them until they got uncomfortable. But I didn't this time. 

For a split second, the thought crosses my mind that it might be because Oikawa was the one in danger. Maybe that's what set me off. 

But I shake my head. 

No, that can't be it. Oikawa is the bane of my existence. I only attacked Iwaizumi because what he did was disgusting. 

Even still, the memory lingers in my mind of Iwaizumi's hands running up and down Oikawa's uncovered skin, and the smirk he wore as he gazed down at the sleeping boy beneath him. Even just thinking about it made me seethe. 

If I hadn't been there at that moment, something really bad could have happened. Something that could scar Oikawa forever. 

I hit myself on the head. 

There it goes again. His name. Why does it keep coming back? This situation would have been no different if anyone else was in danger.

I still would have stepped in and stopped it. I still would have made sure nothing went wrong. I still would have been an honorable citizen and protected someone in danger.

So why does it hurt less when I picture someone else in Oikawa's place?

Well, maybe "hurt" isn't the right word for it. It's just an odd feeling. The situation feels heavier, almost, when Oikawa is there. Like a weight on my chest. 

I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding as the thought occurred to me, and I suddenly became worried. 

I don't. I can't. There's no chance I actually care about Oikawa, right?

There's no way. The only people I've ever labeled as "caring for" are my parents. And even that was limited, since I didn't get to see them much. 

The sound of the bathroom door opening snaps me out of my thoughts, and I gaze over at Oikawa, a sullen look on his face and drops of water dripping from his hair and his jaw. He looks miserable. 

He makes eye contact with me, and I feel my breath hitch momentarily. 

He simply frowns, retreating to his bedroom and shutting the door. I soon hear the sound of his lock turning, telling me that he really doesn't want to be bothered. 

And for the first time ever, the feeling that he wants to be alone... I don't like it.

...

Why don't I like it?

I glance up, gazing at one of those so-called "motivational" quotes Oikawa has framed and stuck around the house. 

And at this moment, I realize that this is the worst time I could gaze at these words.

"Denying what you feel will not make it go away. It ensures that it never gets resolved." 

...

Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so tobio's in a pretty sticky situation. let's hope all works out, eh?


	8. Sadness and Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cookies make everything better.

[Oikawa]

As I shut the door to my room, I twisted the lock, beginning to slowly slide down until my legs hit the floor and my head was leaning against the door.

I reached for my phone, still charging on my bedside table, clicking my home button and watching the screen light up, showing an image of Iwaizumi and I as children. 

I used to love this photo.

Iwaizumi and I standing next to each other, each about 7 years old, his arm over my shoulders and a big smile on both of our faces. 

It makes me wonder how things changed so quickly. 

When did it change from innocent childhood friends to childhood friends that hook up every time they see each other? And when did it turn from a consenting relationship to borderline sexual assault?

It just doesn't make any sense to me.

-

Hours have passed. I've just been sat in my bed, contemplating things. Contemplating friendship, contemplating love, contemplating life as a whole. 

My head turns as I hear a knock at my bedroom door. I know it can only be Tobio, but I don't know why he'd come knocking. 

Is something wrong?

I get up, making my way towards the door, twisting my lock and pulling the handle. 

As I open the door, I am greeted with the sight of Tobio, holding a box of cookies and staring at the ground.

He takes a shaky breath, only glancing up at me briefly before returning his gaze to the ground.

"I uh, dropped by the bakery to get something for myself, but I figured you'd want something too, considering all that's happened. But I didn't know what to get you, so I just grabbed a box of assorted cookies and hoped for the best." 

He held out the box slightly, and I gently took it out of his hands. 

"Thank you, Tobio." 

The words that leave my lips are full of sincerity, genuinely grateful for the thoughtful gift. 

"You're welcome." He says, proceeding to scurry down the stairs. 

I glance at his figure as he moves, my lips quirking up into a smile as I see him blushing and putting his head in his hands on the lower floor.

No doubt he's as surprised as I am. Something so generous and considerate is not typical for him. 

Nonetheless, I shut my door, bringing the box of cookies over to my bed. I lift the top, gazing down at the assortment of sweet treats. 

I grab at one, beginning to eat it and enjoying the sweet flavor. 

In this moment, I realize how thankful I am for Tobio. I can only hope he's thankful for me, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's actually showing some sort of affection... How cute.


	9. Foreign Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's kind actions are starting to catch up to Kageyama, who doesn't really know how to feel.

[Kageyama]

Why did I do that? Why would I go out of my way to do something nice for Oikawa, the guy who's only ever been a pain in the ass to me?

I hit myself in the face repeatedly, shaking my head back and forth to get my mind back in place. 

Deep down, I know the reason why I did it. I just really, really do not want to acknowledge it. 

I don't want to acknowledge the twinge I felt in my heart when I saw his usually happy face drowned out by despair and confusion. 

I don't want to acknowledge that the things that used to get on my nerves now make me blush. 

I don't want to acknowledge the fact that I've never felt this way about someone before.

And I especially don't want to acknowledge that what I'm currently feeling fits under almost every definition of being in like with someone. 

I groan at the thought, repeatedly hitting myself in the face. It's not every day I get a crush. In fact, I've never had one before. I always hated people.

But this... this is different. 

Oikawa is different. 

He cares. Nobody has ever truly cared for me before. 

Even my parents weren't always there for me. There were many days that I would come home from school and call out for them, only to be greeted with an empty home. Not even a note to explain their absence. 

When they did come home, it would be late, and they wouldn't want to talk to me because of how exhausted they were. 

Not to make them seem like bad parents or anything, because all of their hard work was put towards keeping me alive and well, but I do wish I had them there when I needed them.

But... things are different now. 

I have him. 

He was the one who checked in on me when I was feeling down. 

The day we watched Beauty and the Beast, I had brushed everything off. I suppressed what I was feeling and put every thought about it at the back of my brain. 

I was afraid. 

Afraid of liking someone. A guy, nonetheless. 

I know how society treats people that like the same sex. We're frowned upon, we're cursed at, we're told we'll be banished to hell. 

All these years I never thought that maybe some day those words would be directed at me. 

But now... who knows? 

Oikawa has managed to flip my entire world upside down, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want him to have such an affect on my life, but he does. 

And he doesn't even know about it.


	10. Noticing A Difference

[Oikawa]

Kageyama has been... Different as of late. 

He's been distant, but in a different way than usual. He doesn't seem to be avoiding me because he hates me or doesn't want to deal with me, but rather, he seems... shy? 

I know that sounds ridiculous... But that's partly because it is. 

But... I don't know how else to describe it. 

Like, yesterday morning. I made some pancakes for breakfast, since that's really all I'm capable of making and not burning. I had made enough for the two of us, and when I offered some to him, he took some, thanked me, and scurried off. 

I'm not sure what's more shocking; the fact that he ran away so suddenly, or the fact that he actually managed to thank me first. 

...

I'm just unsure of what to do. 

I don't want to confront him about it, because I don't want to make him uncomfortable, but I also want answers.

I'm not an idiot-even though some of my actions may make people think otherwise- and I know that there has to be a reason for Kageyama's bizarre actions.

I had briefly considered several different things, but dismissed them all, as they didn't fit Tobio's character. Though, this doesn't fit his character either.

I sigh, contemplating my options. 

Maybe I can just have a normal conversation with him and see how it goes. The two of us haven't had a normal interaction in what feels like forever. 

I opt for that, walking into the living room, where Kageyama is currently seated on the couch and watching some random show that he doesn't seem to be interested in. 

I take the opportunity and sit next to him, something that would usually make him stand up and move to the chair. 

Now, I say usually, because this time, his reaction was unusual. He didn't move, still keeping his eyes on the TV. I furrow my eyebrows, but decide to start some small talk with him. 

"So, Tobio, how's your day been?" I ask, and he shrugs. 

"Pretty alright, though pretty much all I've done is watch TV. What about you?" 

I'm shocked at first, due to the fact that he asked me, but I quickly recover. 

"Pretty boring," I begin, "I haven't had much to do." 

I move slightly at my spot on the couch, adjusting myself. Once I'm settled, I realize that Tobio's thighs are touching mine. Yet, again, he seems to not care, simply continuing to watch the show. 

"Do you have any plans for today?" He asks, seemingly out of nowhere. I'm shocked, but I reply honestly.

[Third Person Point of View]

Kageyama's heart races at the close proximity of him and Oikawa, but does his best to brush it off as he tries his best to hold up the conversation that he initiated. 

Oikawa shrugs, "Nah, I usually don't make plans on Sundays, since all of my friends are usually busy."

Kageyama feels his insides do a little dance, glad that Oikawa doesn't need to be going anywhere soon.

"Then, would you maybe wanna watch a movie again? I really enjoyed the last time."

Oikawa is visibly taken aback by Kageyama's request, and at first the younger considers taking it back and pretending it never happened. That is, until Oikawa breaks out into a smile wide enough to make Kageyama's dark soul fill with light.

"Of course! Another movie means more quality time with you!"

The two are left in a funny situation then, both of them blushing due to their feelings for the other, but neither acknowledging each other due to their own embarrassment. 

"I'll head to the store now and pick up some movies, alright? We don't have that wide a selection." Oikawa says, finally breaking the silence between the two.

Kageyama nods shyly, "Ok. See you soon."


	11. The Little Nihilist

[Third Person Point of View]

Oikawa heads to the store, immediately making his way towards the movie aisle.

He inspects the cover picture of each film, pondering what to get for him and Kageyama to watch.

It's a difficult decision, considering the fact that they have only watched one movie together.

To play it safe, Oikawa decides to grab a few more Disney princess movies, as Kageyama definitely liked the last one. He also chucks in a couple horror films, in case he'd rather watch those instead.

-

Oikawa arrives at home, grabbing the bag with the movies and heading to the apartment.

He unlocks the door, setting the movies down on the coffee table in front of the TV.

"Tobio?" Oikawa calls out as he walks up the stairs, wanting the younger to come select a movie. 

In a moment, Oikawa hears the distinct sound of Kageyama's bedroom door opening, and out walks Kageyama, in what appears to be his pajamas. A loose white teeshirt and some plaid patterned boxers.

"Sorry. I just wanted to get into comfy clothes since I'm not going anywhere."

Oikawa inwardly squealed. He couldn't get over how absolutely adorable Kageyama looked.

Call it weird, but something about seeing Kageyama look so happy and comfortable made Oikawa's heart do flips.

"Yeah, that's fine. The movie selection is on the coffee table, in case you wanna choose this time."

Kageyama makes his way to the coffee table, scanning over each title, until he falls on one in particular that sticks out.

The Little Mermaid.

"Oikawa, I want this one." He says, picking up the DVD case and showing it to the older.

Oikawa smiles, grabbing the case and walking up to the DVD player, popping in the movie and sitting down on the couch. Again, he sits next to Kageyama, and again, Kageyama doesn't move.

The movie begins playing, and Oikawa can immediately see how engrossed the younger is with the film. Kageyama even giggles slightly as Ariel shows off her 'whozits and whatzits galore'.

Kageyama blushes slightly as the sound leaves his mouth, embarassed to have sounded so giggly and childish in front of Oikawa.

He doesn't mind it that much, though, as he sees the slight smile appear on Oikawa's face afterwards.

'Maybe he likes when I laugh...' He thinks, his cheeks becoming a deeper red at the thought.

-

The movie finishes, and at this point, Kageyama looks very tired, even though it's hardly evening. The younger yawns slightly, leaning back into the couch cushions.

"That was a good movie," he begins, turning his head to face his roommate "Thanks for buying it."

Oikawa waves it off, though he feels his heart beat faster at how nice Kageyama is being.

"Don't worry about it. I'll watch movies with you whenever you want." Oikawa replies.

Kageyama smiles, looking down, but still showing some of his pretty white teeth.

Oikawa grins at the sight.

"Cute." He mumbles, and Kageyama's eyes instantly widen from the word.

Oikawa keeps his expression the same, trying to keep his cool guy persona in place, even though on the inside, his emotions are running amuck.

Meanwhile, it is taking Kageyama every ounce of self control he has to not run away from this situation. Both figuratively and literally.

"C-cute?" Kageyama asks, wanting to hit himself in the face for stuttering at a moment like this.

"Your smile. It's really cute." Oikawa says.

Kageyama puts his face in his hands, gazing down again, and trying his hardest not to scream.

Oikawa notices how flustered the younger boy is, and his heart swells.

He hasn't run away... Usually he would run away...

What does this mean?


	12. Making A Move

[Oikawa]

Tobio had excused himself shortly after I had called him cute, and once he was gone, I smiled to myself.

Now, I might be wrong, but I think I've just confirmed my suspicions.

Those suspicions of course being that Tobio has some sort of feelings for me. Feelings that venture beyond friendly.

It seems absurd, for someone who is known as not having any emotion to feel any sort of love, which is one of the strongest feelings in existence. But, in a way, it makes sense.

See, as far as I know, the kid doesn't have many friends. The only people I've ever heard him speak of are a few friends from his old high school. He hadn't spoken of them much, but from what I could gather, they weren't really that close. Tobio was seemingly the outlier, the one that didn't speak much, or hang out much, but stuck with a group so he didn't have to sit alone at lunch.

I felt bad for him, but I can't help but feel a little bit happy about it.

Call me sadistic, but I think that those experiences are why he could have some sort of crush on me, and I find it... worth it, almost... for him to have gone through all of that, just because it means that the two of us are more likely to end up together.

And I know, it's almost pathetic to pine after your younger roommate that hates everything, but I honestly can't help myself.

Just the thought of him reciprocating my feelings towards him makes my insides erupt with butterflies.

And, maybe it's because I lack self control, or patience, or both, but I want to do something. Something bold. Something that could either prove my point or ruin my life.

Make a move.

Yes. I, Oikawa Tooru, am going to get flirty with my socially inept roommate.

Of course, it's not going to be anything crazy. Whether or not he has a crush on me, the boy still has boundaries, and I will respect them.

But, I will test the waters.

-

It has been two hours, and Tobio has come back downstairs to grab a snack.

I plop onto the couch, calling out for him.

"Tobio! When you've gotten your food, could you come sit with me and watch TV? This show looks interesting but I don't wanna watch it alone."

I hear a slight hum of agreement from the kitchen, before Tobio walks in with a bowl of pretzels.

He takes a seat next to me, placing the bowl in his lap, before looking at the television.

"What show is this?" He asks.

I shrug.

"Don't know the name, but it's about meerkats, and it's kind of adorable." I say, before smirking.

"Kinda reminds me of another adorable thing I know..." I speak, letting my words trail off as I casually place my arm around his shoulders.

Tobio's face is overtaken with a pink tint, and it makes a smile appear on my face.

"You like it when I call you cute, don't you?" I ask, and the younger boy's face reddens even more.

I chuckle.

"It's okay if you do, you know. I won't judge."

Tobio simply puts his face in his hands at my words, possibly to cover up his cheeks.

He's embarrassed. That much is obvious. But it helps my theory. If he were entirely opposed to the situation, he would have already yelled at me by now.

But, he hasn't done that. He's just blushed a lot.

And... slowly started to lean into me.

Whether it's intentional or not, I'm unsure. All I know is that he is more snuggled up to me than he was before.

I decide not to point it out to him, since I don't want him to move from this honestly very comfortable spot.

I just decide to let him be, and watch the TV drone on and on about meerkats.

-

After about 30 minutes, I feel the weight next to me shift, and I turn my head to see a sleeping Tobio, head rested on my shoulder and arms beginning to snake their way around me, as though the sleeping boy was perceiving me as a teddy bear.

I smile at the sight, and my heart feels as though it is going to leap out of my chest.

Because... If I'm being honest, he looks beautiful.

The light from the television is bouncing off of his face almost perfectly, highlighting the cutest parts of his face, like his lips and nose.

His mouth hangs slightly open, showing off his pearly white teeth as small breaths escape him.

It's a sight that makes me lose some of my self control.

Without putting much thought into my actions, I dip down, leaving a kiss on the tip of Tobio's nose.

And, though it might have been a hopeful delusion, I swear I saw his lips upturn slightly as I did so.


	13. New View on Mornings

[Kageyama]

I awake slowly, allowing what little light there is at 6:00 in the morning to flood into my eyes.

It's a nice morning, however, it doesn't take long before I realize that I am on the sofa facing out towards the window, and that there is an arm securely placed around my waist.

I immediately look up, noting Oikawa's sleeping face pressed against one of our couch pillows, sleeping soundly.

Oh my god.

We fell asleep like this?

A blush makes its way onto my face for the umpteenth time this week, and I burrow my face into my own hands. It's such a bizarre feeling.

I used to hate human contact. I used to hate human interactions.

I used to just hate all humans in general.

Yet now, I find myself cozied up next to my roommate on our living room couch, after we dozed off in each other's arms watching tv.

And I like it.

I smile slightly at the thought, turning my body over so that I can face his chest.

I begin to get comfortable again, wrapping my arm around him in the same way he has his arm around me. I also waste no time in snuggling closer to his chest, resting my forehead against it as though he were my pillow.

'Who knew this was so comfortable?' I think, again feeling betrayed by my past self's closed-mindedness.

I feel Oikawa begin to stir slightly, and I quickly shut my eyes, hoping he doesn't realize I'm already awake.

"Oh, shit." I hear him mumble, probably realizing our current position.

A loud sigh emits from his mouth.

"Just how are you so adorable?" He mutters.

At this moment, his hand leaves my waist, traveling up to my head, where he begins to twirl some of my hair around his finger.

"So, so adorable." He says again, and I feel my heartbeat begin to quicken at his words.

I mean, sure. I had some inkling that he had developed a liking for me just as I had for him, but, wow. I never even imagined that he would be this sincere about it.

There's a couple minutes of silence until I suddenly feel Oikawa's weight shift.

I feel his hand reach for my forehead, moving my bangs out of the way.

In a moment, I feel his lips press a kiss against my forehead.

I wish he'd do that more often.


	14. Reciprocated Love?

[Oikawa]

It has been 30 minutes since I woke up on the couch with Tobio cuddled up next to me.

And, as much as I love laying with him and looking at his adorable face, I feel like I need to move. Because something tells me he won't be too happy if he finds us in this position when he wakes up.

I slowly retract my arm from his waist, beginning to push myself up as inconspicuously as possible.

I'm almost fully up, and then I feel a hand on my arm.

I look down, seeing Tobio's eyes gazing up at mine. I immediately panic, thinking about how mad he might get at our close contact.

Until...

"Why'd you move? I was warm." He mumbles, sounding grumpy.

My eyes widen at his words, because it was probably the most unexpected thing that could have come from Tobio's mouth.

"Oh... I was expecting you to want me to move." I reply, but I just feel Tobio's grip around me tighten.

"But I was warm." He mutters, his tone bordering on whiny.

I slowly move my body back down onto the couch.

"Are you sure? I could just turn the heat up..."

Tobio doesn't reply, instead he just snuggles in closer to me.

Does he have a fever or something?

I bring the back of my hand to his forehead to feel if there's any abnormalities, but I find none.

He looks up at me as I bring my hand away.

"What was that for?" He asks.

"Well... You just... Don't seem like yourself today. I was checking if you were sick or something." I reply, and Kageyama frowns.

"What's wrong with this?

I sigh.

"Tobio... You're not acting like the ball of hatred I'm used to." I say, to which he seems to get annoyed.

"Maybe I just don't want to act like a ball of hatred anymore. Just let me lay here in peace."

After he speaks, he goes back to snuggling against me, except now, he's acting very grumpy.

\- {time skip} -

"Mattsun, Makki, thank god you picked up." I say, looking at my two friends on my computer screen.

"How could we not?" Makki says with a roll of his eyes.

"Anyway, what do you need? You look like a trainwreck." Says Mattsun, seeing my disheveled state.

Truth is, I just didn't bother to brush my hair or fix my clothes after a very grabby Tobio had messed them up in his sleepy state.

He really did treat me like a teddy bear.

"Well... You remember when I told you about my roommate, right?" I say, looking back at his friends.

"Yes," says Makki, rolling his eyes, "hates everything, kind of a dick, cringes at the thought of breathing in the same air as you, but he also has the bluest eyes and the most adorable pout-"

"Alright alright alright!" I say, frantically waving my arms in order to cut off my friend.

The two goofballs on the other side of my screen break out into laughter at this point.

I roll my eyes at them. They really haven't matured since high school.

"Yes. Okay. All of that is true, but suddenly, a lot changed." I say, and the two stop laughing.

"What do you mean?" Asks Mattsun, now suddenly engrossed in my story.

I take a deep breath.

"I... Think Tobio likes me."

Makki raises his eyebrows.

"Wait, like... He likes you as a good buddy, or he wants your ass?"

I roll my eyes.

"I'm thinking it's the latter, just in more gentle words, because I don't think Tobio even knows what wanting ass is."

Makki and Mattsun suddenly look very giddy.

"Tell us everything!" They say in unison.

And so, I do.

From him starting to act weird, to watching the little mermaid, to him not denying my flirtatious advances, to him falling asleep on me, and then waking up next to me and not wanting to get up. 

I tell them everything.

"Wow," says Makki, "who knew you were hot enough to make an antisocial nihilistic misanthrope turn into a cuddly twink? I'm impressed."

"Oh shut up." I mutter, but blush anyways at the thought of twink Tobio.

The duo chuckle in return, before Mattsun asks a question.

"So... What are you going to do?"

I immediately sigh.

"I don't know... Keep cuddling him, I guess? I mean, I'm still unsure of where his boundaries lie."

Mattsun looks as though he's deep in thought, staring up at his ceiling for a decent 2 minutes.

"What if you kissed him?" He asks out of the blue.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I hope you liked this? I will continue writing this either way because writing is something people should do freely regardless of others' approval, but if you did like it, then great! There is more to come.


End file.
